New Year’s Resolutions

Yes, it is that time of year when you have to decide. Do you make a resolution, knowing that more than likely you’re going to give up on it after a week or two, or do you resign yourself to not making a resolution but feeling like you’re not accomplishing something anyway? I can’t tell you how many years I’ve had “workout more” as a resolution. And it never stuck. But I still like the idea of reminiscing on your past year, figuring out if you still have a pain point whether in your job, your personal health, your mental state, whatever it might be and figuring out a life change that could help improve that pain point. So, this year I decided to do my New Year’s Resolutions, but a little differently. I decided to phrase them as states of being, not as specific goals. That way, the resolution is whatever I need it to be. As long as I have it in my mind, I can’t ‘fail’ at it. Although I’d like to state that 99% of people I’ve met (myself included) have a really bad relationship with the word ‘fail’. But that’s a story for another blog.

So, without further ado, here’s my New Year’s Resolutions for this year:

Keep Being My Own Advocate

So, without going into too much detail, I have suffered from a lot of chronic health issues throughout my life, health issues that the western medical community just looked at and shrugged, going “that’s just who you are, what do you want me to do about it?” (Yes, that is an exact quote one doctor told me when I went to them for my issues with chronic insomnia and chronic fatigue). I kept getting the same answer so much that I believed it, and stopped going to doctors. I struggled everyday with brain fog, body aches, muscle cramps, and more that severely debilitated me at times, all while wearing a mask that I was totally okay because what else was I going to do.

This year I was encouraged by my boyfriend to try this new functional medicine collective that a friend of ours went to and recommended. It was a breath of fresh air! Not only did they believe my issues, they believed they could fix them. I was diagnosed with hypermobility syndrome, where my body doesn’t produce enough collagen so my joints are looser than they should be, causing my muscles to be in a state of permanent tension to make up for the lack of stability. Which was part of why exercising had always sucked for so much of my life. I would barely start doing something, and I would hit the wall like I’d already been exercising for half an hour. It was because my muscles had no energy reserves because they were constantly depleting them trying to make up for my ligaments and tendons that weren’t strong enough.

Then I was diagnosed with mold toxicity. When you are in a place with mold (like older homes or homes with water damage), you can inhale mold spores. These spores release toxins which start attacking your body. Your body tries to flush them, but can’t always get rid of them fast enough, so it stores them in your fat cells to try to protect you. But this storage causes chronic, systemic inflammation throughout your entire body. It can make allergies worse, create inflammation issues like arthritis and irritable bowel disease, and wear down your immune system so that you can’t effectively fight off other invaders. It also can create brain fog and other nerve and neurological issues. And you can carry these toxins with you for years after you were infected. I also found out that I had hypothyroidism, probably created from the mold toxicity, which gave me a low metabolism, hormone imbalance and a host of other issues. I know the mold toxicity created it, because getting rid of the toxins brought my hypothyroidism under control without the need for medication.

Not only did this adventure start me on a path of healing physically, I also started opening myself up to new ways to heal myself mentally. I started learning about meditation. I was able to start working out and enjoying it, which floods you with happy hormones. I also started going to sound baths, experiences of sound that help you meditate, relax, and become peaceful.

As I sit writing this, I feel like a new woman. I feel better than I did even as a child. I feel more in control and now I have weapons to fight any health issues that come at me. And that is what I resolve to keep doing this year: to continue being my own advocate, to search out new experiences and opportunities that fulfill me both physically and mentally, and to not let ‘no’ be an answer. I refuse to let anything, my health or otherwise, rob me of living the life I was meant to live.

Keep Writing

When I published my book back in October, it was the culmination of a life-long dream. Like a lot of dreams, I could just leave it at that. I accomplished a thing, I don’t need to do it again.

But I want to.

I am addicted to writing. I love crafting stories, characters. I love dreaming up new ideas, asking and answering new questions. I love dreaming up new ways to write, trying new formats, researching new things. So, I vow that this year I will keep writing.

I will write more blogs. I will write short stories. I will write new books. I will keep learning and plying my craft.

I made this a goal because it’s so easy to pick a thing up and then put it down, especially for me. I love learning new things, but because of this love of learning it is sometimes hard for me to stick with one thing and master it. The longest hobbies I’ve ever had were writing and art, but even within those I pick them up and put them down as I get distracted by other things. But this year, I am going to be different.

I am going to make an effort to dive into my writing. To practice. To learn new techniques. To read more and expand my horizons so that I can grow in my own writing. And I hope that all of you coming along on the journey enjoy what I create.

Embracing Me and the Mess I Am

This may seem kind of odd, but the last year has opened my eyes to so many things. When I was a child, I instinctively knew what I connected to. I loved fantasy and sci-fi books and movies. I loved anime cartoons. I connected deeply with earth religions, with stories of animal spirits, Celtic druids and Native American shamans. I loved art and writing. I was a creature of fire and wind. I had a warrior spirit within my heart.

And I allowed the world and the people around me to tell me I was wrong. I allowed the darkness of my anxiety and depression to overwhelm me. And I shoved who I was deep inside, wearing a mask and being whatever I thought people wanted me to be, all the while fighting and in agony because I knew I wasn’t the person I was meant to be.

This past year has changed so much of that for me. With healing my physical issues that had plagued me from childhood, I freed up something within me. Suddenly, I could be more. I could exercise. I could hike. I could be athletic and adventurous without feeling like a complete wimp and loser. I could awaken that warrior spirit. I gained confidence in myself, in my speech. I had been on that journey for a while since moving out from Colorado and going back to school, but this year was like the final key slotting in.

So, this year I vow to keep embracing who I am. To learn about embracing the earth and what lies beyond. To exploring my conscious and subconscious. To opening my third eye. To letting myself heal from the trauma and fear that I carried with me for so long. To accepting what my life was, but also letting my life blossom into what it was meant to be. And the big key: not letting the world make me feel ashamed for doing it.

So many times in this world we meet people whose life path is different from ours. It may be political beliefs, religious beliefs, gender identity, career choice, whatever. And it is easy to criticize. It is easy to tear them down. Either because we are too insecure to challenge our own thoughts, or are too stubborn and ignorant to realize that there are other viewpoints out there that are just as valid and just as right as we believe ours are. I think that’s why we feel so much divisiveness today in our world. We would rather embrace hate and tear someone else down, than have the courage to examine our own lives and take responsibility for our trauma, our ignorance, our shortcomings. It is easier to just have everyone conform. But we are a world of billions of people. The universe has made us all different. And it is only when we can be strong enough to face the world without bending, but also bend to see that everyone is on their own unique path and their paths have purpose, that we can start finding a way back to peace.

Be Curious, Be Inquisitive

This kind of goes with the one above, but I felt it was important to give it it’s own goal. This year I vow to let my creativity and curiosity fly.

I ran across a term the other day called ‘independent researcher’, someone not affiliated with a university or college, someone who just enjoyed learning and understanding more about a subject who researches it in their own time. There are millions of them out there. In fact, we all could be called ‘independent researchers’ anytime we look up anything on the internet. My boyfriend jokingly calls me his ‘human Google’ because he knows I can’t stand not knowing something and all he has to do is ask a question like “Why does this do that?” and within the next five minutes I’ll have the answer.

We are living in an unprecedented time. We have access to overloads of information on any topic your brain can dream up. Granted, sometimes we have access to too much information (I’m looking at you fake news). Not only do we have fake websites claiming to have news articles (clickbait) so that they can get your information, we have real news sites throwing information out in order to be first and get the clicks and likes before they’ve had a chance to fact check anything. People can put whatever they want out there, and other people will believe it, just because “it’s on the internet so it must be true”. That’s where critical thinking comes in: where did it come from, who authored the study, where are they getting their facts, what is the reliability of the source, etc.

But that shouldn’t dissuade me or anyone else from letting their curiosity shine. Remember as a kid and everything was “Why?” Why is the sky blue? Why does the train make that noise? As an adult, I’m sure you’ve been driven mad by your own children or maybe even just the child of a friend asking an endless string of questions. But I have a new question for you.

Why did we stop asking questions?

Because the world doesn’t want us to be curious. We are taught not to ask questions. To take what we are given, accept it as truth and walk on in that knowledge, unburdened by other viewpoints or new facts that come to light. That’s how so many things that are wrong (biases, false facts, culture issues) continue on for decades if not centuries because no one asks why. People keep believing it, so it keeps going. It goes on for so long that people believe it as truth, even when faced with facts proving it false. Because they need it to be true or they have to face that they’ve wasted their life believing in something that was wrong. Instead of taking it as a chance to grow and learn, they deny it because it’s too hard to get off their own ego train and admit that they screwed up.

I went through this with cannabis. Growing up, I was taught all drugs were the devil. I worked eight years in law enforcement, where the ‘war on drugs’ was a real battle. And all drugs were the same, from meth and heroin down to cannabis and mushrooms. And while I am not advocating anything, I admit that I had a hard time moving to Colorado and the legality of it all but soon found my viewpoint changed. I didn’t understand that cannabis is different. That I could have a different relationship with the plant than what had been portrayed for me growing up. That it could help me with relaxing during a panic attack. That it could help me sleep without having to resort to sleeping pills that I quickly became addicted to. That I could go weeks without smoking it. That it held a bunch of medicinal qualities in CBD and CBN that didn’t even get you high but helped my body function better. It was hard to get over the stigma that had been ingrained in me, but when I did I realized that I had been missing out for a long time on something that could have been beneficial, all because of long-held beliefs that we were taught not to question.

So this year I vow to ask questions. To not believe everything I read, but to find the truth. To research anything and everything and expand my horizons. To ask Why. And to give myself the freedom to let my mind roam, past the social norms and restrictions that the world would like to put on us. It’s time to let my mind fly.

So, these are my resolutions. What are yours?

One response to “New Year’s Resolutions”

  1. Lovely resolutions! I had a similar writing goal to yours last year, but I quickly learned that writing more didn’t necessarily mean writing usable material. So this year, I’m going to focus on actually doing _something_ with all that writing. Completing short stories and actually sending them out. Finishing my manuscripts and self-publishing if I get rejected. Anyway, thanks for this post!


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